God Fearing Man: Fixin' to Die
God Fearing Man: Fixin' to Die.
Intro.
Is it where i'm up to... or what i'm up to? Let me explain. It's 2006, summer, that you all know, and everything is in place. I'm cutting it fine, but i'm on time. It'll be the tenth anniversary of the day that changed my life, soon, and i'm begining to reminise, about that time, and the time in between. Once i was lost, and now, i'll safely say, i'm found. I was fighting for my mind and now, and now i'm found, no longer... fixin to die. I have a message of hope, for all those who were concerned, and a message of doubt, for those who were sure. Strange times indeed! Talk of giving in and giving up, that just ain't my style, as you all know, bigger and better things come to mind, as once i conquered (and i will again), the thought's in my mind and the illusions we all share. It's gonna be a rollercoster ride, so sit tightly and we shall begin.
PART ONE.
Give a Man a Home.
We are all blessed, some with virtue, others with stupidity, but we are all blessed. When we talk of talent and ability, it's not always of what we can do, and what we have achieved, but what others have done, in our place, and how we have learnt from their example, no longer can we plead ignorance, for we have been taught, and no longer do we follow the path of the lost ones, for we have seen the light. And it's no secret, we all know the truth, but to find it, that's a quest for the holliest of grails, the blood line of your life. But don't dispair, help is at hand, we have faith, for it is our beliefs which will bring the truth to our feet, of what we are and why we are here, no less, faith is the the key to our survival.
There's so much i want to say, but i choose my verse with care, so as not to mislead. I want to bring you to where i was, and to where i was going, to find my place, in the hope that you will find yours too. If you are lost, make it your home and feel welcome as you are, and if you are found, share your light with me, so i can see where you have been. Followers of the faith will have a head start here, but if you are new to this experience then let me expand. We are historians searching for truth, and by that we mean those experiences which have shaped your life, those bolts of lightening which have brought you here, to these word, and their (hidden) meaning. Now, we may argue that we have led a normal life, and that nothing special has occured, i beg to differ, we have all led extraordinary lives and that simply being here is enough to guarentee that your life has changed because of some event, past or present, which enables you to read these words, and please understand that your life is every bit a special as mine, else you would not be here, reading these words. Patience is a virtue, that i will concede.
Let me continue... your life is not just a series of events which ultimately lead to your demise, you are born, and yes, you will die, however, you will change history with you life, shaping the events which will change all our lives, simply because of faith. What you believe will influence your fellow man, and if you don't take it to your grave, then your friend may. And feel free to believe in whatever you wish, as it is not what you believe, more how you believe which matters. Your beliefs define who you are, they describe your personnality, and more often than not, determine how you are percieved by others, this is what people are remembered for, because this is what we all are remembered for. Faith unites all of us, because it is faith which describes our truth, not our illusion.
Fight For Your Mind.
I was sure, i was so sure, sure of myself and of those around me, sure of my place and sure of my beliefs. Each day had it's place, and we worshipped the sun and moon for their light, and their life. Night followed day, we awoke and then we would rest. A life in a day, everyday. Sure of the sun, and grateful for the moon, we lived our life in cycles, with that of our celestial bodies, and we meditated on suffering, for we had none, blessed by our friends and family. Nirvana has been spoken of, and we felt that our knowledge had granted us a ticket to that island paradise, a place where time has stood still for centuries, and nothing can disturb it's peace. However, we are only visitors here, and we are but travellers, for this place exists only in ones mind, tomorrow i will awake, and again, fighting for my mind... and only truth can survive the journey from this place, this place of plenty, for only truth can transend the void, night and day.
So life, as it was, perfection and truth, brought humbly to it's feet, stumble and crawl to the gateways of confusion, and once again, to the doors of suffering. Knock loudly, for nobody will hear you, when you enter, and shout, for in the confusion, we may not hear you come. But you are always welcome, don't forget, your presence has been foretold, with that of baited breath. We sent for you, for we knew that you spoke the truth, we pleaded with her to let you go, so that you could relieve us of our suffering, as you did with her, and for your sacrifice, we would reward you with immortality and a place, a place where you could carry on your faith, not in a foreign land, but here, in you own, the place of your birth. So bring your faith, pack your beliefs, and say good bye to your friends, for they shall be friends no more, for you shall die in this land, and become an angel of faith, and a teacher of truth. Blessed by your fate to bring your ancestors home, for their work is done, and now the motherland can be one, one with your blood.
This i cannot except, the honour is too much for one so simple, too great for one so humble. Let me come as i am, please, with my rags and my charms, for i have no gold, stolen from me, and i have no money, given to others. Don't ask me to speak, for i say little, and don't ask me to eat, for i have no hunger. I come to rest, and to teach. My time is now yours, and how i spend this time will depend on your needs, and desires, i want of nothing but to serve my master, that which you now are, and will always be. All i ask is that i be given shoes to walk and water to drink, these are my needs, not my desires. I will rest in my bed and not be a burden to you, for you have family, and i, faith. My temple is my mind, i carry it wherever i go, but i ask that each night, i return it to the place which i call home.
Power Of The Gospel.
The power of words, and their meaning, are the subject of this chapter. For so many years now, words, written and spoken, have changed my life. They have opened doors of perception, and have lead me into whole universes, where illusions exist, illusions, which have determined my life. Words have shaped my mind, they have lead me astray, and carried me home, as only words have the power to overcome truth, truth which i find in silence, silence and solitude. All words are spoken, spoken with emotion, and it's this emotive force which moves me, moves me from my center, to that of my peripheral. On the outskirts, close to the edge, that's where illusions exist, truth lies motionless, whilst illusions accelerate and perturb, they create change and therefore influence our ground state, that of perfection and the transcendental. The words i choose will allow you to find your center, at least that's where i hope all roads lead, if your feel disturbed by my words, then the truth is lost, and you will have to start again! My aim is the transcendental, and thus the permanent, that which is truth, that which is you. If you feel disturbed, you are too high, the destination is ground. My goal is silence, to speak but not to be heard, these words will induce a trance, that which you will recognise as Buddha Nature.
You may ask, is it possible to find peace, simply by reading? I say yes, because all words are spoken within, your heart will hear and your mind will listen, simply by connecting your heart and mind, you will find the doors to your Buddha Nature, of course you should be sat half-lotus on the floor, but we shall forgive you if this is not your usual position. Life begins with this 'space', for this is your truth, with heart and mind in peace (with words), Buddha Nature is easy to find. If you have doubts, simply stop reading, and enjoy the silence, the silence and solitude.
I am a teacher, but so are we all. What i teach is an ancient art, it's called 'sitting quietly'. Personally i prefer to listen to music, and although this sounds like contradiction, it is not, because i am still, 'sitting quietly'. Others prefer to read, and so i write, as i choose to serve (the master).
PART TWO.
Welcome to the Cruel World.
Noble monk, i see you have travelled far to find yourself on this road. I say this because i too have travelled, but now i have arrived and i travel no more. Humble servant, you are right in your observation, yes, i have travelled many months. I have travelled from Amdo and have been on this road for nearly a year. What is your name, kind servant? I was born Chen Zhu Wai, however, i have little use for my name noble monk, less for whence i came. Brother Chen, we all have an origin, all roads must begin from somewhere, if you care not for your birth, then where may i ask, is your destination? Noble monk! i have arrived! My birth is ignorance and my destination is here! where i stand on this forsaken road. As you are, i too was seeking answers, but now that you have arrived, i ask no more. What is it that you seek, here on this road? Brother Chen, i have been chosen by my sangha to seek for enlightenment on this path, and too seek a master who came before me. What is the name of your master? I have seen many on this road, maybe i can be of help. Brother Chen, my master is called Rinpoche, of course i don't know him by his birthname, but he is known as Master Rinpoche by my sangha. He left at the age of fifteen to seek enlightenment, he was a talented but stubborn monk, he studied 'the self' until he fully understood his true nature, then left. And Rinpoche walked this road? Yes, we have heard stories about a monk who taught 'the self' to people on this road, he became a local legend and is well known as a teacher who spoke the truth. And where is your master now? Brother Chen, we don't know. One day he just disappeared, people who would visit him and listen to him teach say that one day he just disappeared, nobody has seen him in over ten years. Noble monk! I am Rinpoche, the master that you seek! Your journey has come to an end, however, your path has just begun. This road will teach you 'the self' and i will be your guide untill you too realise your enlightenment. Let us begin...
The self is this path, the self is 'this' road, this road that you find yourself on. But 'the self' is all roads, its is every path. The self is all who travel on this road and all who live on it, but 'the self' is everyone and everything, on all roads. To understand this let me describe your journey. You travelled from your sangha in Amdo to seek a great master who also travelled from said place, you seek this master, on this road, in the hope that you will find enlightenment. That is your journey. If you suceed in finding your master, you will realise your end and hope that the master will teach you his truth. 'The self' is every journey, seeking every master who ever left, and to fully understand 'the self' you must begin each and every journey searching for truth, not just your master. On your journey, you will find only yourself and your master, that is your ignorance, believing that your journey will uncover the gate to knowledge, it will not, you will have to return to your sangha to find 'the self' which you left, many moons ago. Your journey is two fold, for you will have to return to whence you came to realise 'the self'. With this knowledge i bid you farewell and hope you have a pleasant journey!
Master Rinpoche! I have realised 'the self' and i must return to Amdo and my sangha to tell them the good news! The self is 'the self', and until i can give both up i will never find my enlightenment. My journey is so and i must return to realise its truth, however, your journey is 'the self' that which you can never give up, only when you give up this, 'the self', can you find nirvana, a place which i know you are now. Your wisdom will be taken home to the sangha in the hope that we can all find our true nature, you are living in nirvana because you gave up 'the self' in exchange for the road, i find myself on the same road but 'the self' says i must return to complete my journey, only then will i be enlightened and nirvana shall be but beyond the gates of the temple. Bless you Brother Chen for you are the Buddha, the Teachings and the Sangha.
By My Side.
There are many roads, there are many journeys, each has a place in your history, no less, each journey will guide you further on your path. We take each road with anticipation, we take each corner with hope, every road leads to a place and each place has learning. Travelling is an education, one may say, if we are lost, we must find, and when we are found, the next turn could lead us to doubt. I have travelled many roads, so must we all, and many roads need to be travelled in order to find learning, a simple walk can lead to revelations about oneself, as long as the journey is taken in the correct mode, and by that i mean, seeking for truth. Now, nobody goes for a stroll seeking truth, however, every step reveals truth and at every turn. A walk to 'clear your mind' has no destination, you always intend to 'come home', but what is it that can be found in those steps, what is it that you can experience in that journey which makes the circle complete? Like the master says, 'each journey is twofold', outward and inbound, at some point you will have realised your 'destination' and plan to return, else your mind will be 'released from its bondage' and again, you will return. We can all except this as so, however, let us analyse the journey of the master. His journey is outbound, with no return. He leaves because he has realised his destination, and has been released from bondage 'before' he leaves, the journey is just the conclusion of that understanding, he chooses to travel, as is life... destination, anywhere but home.
The self is ego, that's what the master teaches us. Bondage to time, parents, names, homes... the list goes on. We are all born with an ego, but this is not identity, no, it is a cloud which always finds us and prevents us from seeing a clear blue sky, that of our true nature, Buddha Nature. To lose ego is to lose oneself and to find Buddha Nature, you must do this if you are to travel, for the burden of ego will prevent you from ever leaving. Travelling is not a holiday, for when you return, that is when the adventure begins. Each journey will take you futher, closer, to Buddha Nature, and only a master knows this as truth, for only a master will never return.
A great journey can begin with a small step, take a walk, and believe that you will never return. At some point the clock will start ticking and your bed will call. Have you ever entertained the idea of running away from home? Where, when, how... all these questions will invade your mind because now, you are asked the question, can is survive? here in the wilderness? We have all experienced this, either as a child, or god forbid, as an adult, and i say this because i would assume an adult knows his place, however a child is lead to question. Buddha Nature is a child, he knows no home, he has no parents, nobody to depend upon, and nobody to depend upon him, freedom is his cause and enlightenment is his goal, not a pillow. 'It will make a weak man mighty, it will make a mighty man fall', are you experienced? This is not part of our education, no, this is part of our freedom. Take a walk and see how long it takes for the clock to start ticking, this is burden, this is ego.
One Road to Freedom
Farewell, my friends, for i must leave, now. I must travel afar, but i will always be close. Some may ask why? you can choose any path in life, and you can always return, you know you are welcome. Yes, but i will die on this journey, never to return. My life has ended, here, with you my friends, time will pass and i will be but a memory, always in your hearts but never at your door. I am going to die, in a place far away, no one will save me for no one will know, my passing will be a great day for it will be the end of your learning, the inward journey can now begin. I must begin my teaching, and i can only do this after my death. I must pass this life onto you, my friends, and give myself to my destiny, that of my last journey, and my last breath. The sun will shine for me as i walk my last road, beyond the mountain lies a place where i will find truth, a path many have taken before me, and a truth many have chosen as the cessation of suffering. It is the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, that all life is suffering, its cause being our 'thirst' and desires, now i must quench this thirst and bring an end to my suffering, the cessation of all suffering, by following the path to enlightenment, namely The Middle Way and The Eightfold Path. Have faith my friends! and Ten Thousand Miles without a Cloud.
Farewell, my friends.
THE END.
(Inspired by the music of Ben Harper and The Innocent Criminals.)
PART THREE.
Walkin' With Jesus.
Johnny was one messed up kid. He lived one day at a time, with no purpose but to awake, and then sleep. Days would pass when he would achieve nothing, no job to go to, no friends to visit, no family, just a neglected kid with delusions of grandure. But man, was he cool! He was liked by everyone, nobody could put him down for being lazy and useless because he loved life, at least his life. Ask him what he wants to do in life and he'd just smile, he knew 'this' was life, and if nobody understood, that was because nobody was 'alive'. He was of course 'dead' to life (as we would call it), but his delusions allowed him the freedom to take on a more important role, that of the messiah. Ask the question, if the messiah was alive today, what would he do? His answer would be, save the world!
Now, nobody believes that they are the messiah, at least nobody with any sense, however, they say that an unstable mind can associate their own suffering with that of Christ, and compassion for the Saviour leads to a complex where you believe you are the Second Coming. Easily done if you have little else in life other that a deluded mind. Such minds cannot see their future because there is no cause and action, an episode of psychosis may occupy your mind, however, nothing will amount, because nothing exist, it's purely in your imagination. Hallucinations may seem real at the time, and they may lead you to commit an action, however, that action, being the result of something made up, will ultimately end up as senseless and stupid. You think the hallucination relates to reality, in truth, nothing can be further from the truth, there is no god, and you are not the saviour, just a messed up kid. You will see signs everywhere, as your delusion convinces you that you could be, even though what little common sense you have tells you the contary, that there is more to life than reality, faith has a downside, what you truely believe could just be you're downfall, then who would look stupid. So what of Christians, Muslims, Jews... well, they just believe, their faith is a discipline, there is structure to it, and it's teachings lead to a fullfilling life. Schizophrenic faith is ultimately fruitless, nobody else believes what you do, because it's pure delusion. There is no Church of the Schizophrenic Nazerene, because there is no nazerene, just schizophrenia. And it's church? well, that is the facinating feature of this mental state of being, many schizophrenics believe in the same delusions. So welcome to Church...
Many schizophrenic explain themselves by talking about a world i can only describe as one and the same as 'intelligence'. Now, that is not to be mistaken for a world of clever people, no, we have now been 'classified' and if i told you, i would have to kill you. You see, i have worked out that i am so 'classified' that not even i can truely know my own identity. I think only the President of The United States and a few other people know of my status, and they are either 'dead' or 'hiding'. Are we getting closer? After Christ, you are the second most important person in the world, for you hold the key to survival, or the end of the world. Yes, give up God, he can't help us, with his creation and angels, no, this is down to you, soldier, you must stop the killing, and bring about peace on earth! Thus, the mission, to 'see' how it will all end, if we don't start talking about 'how' to bring about an end to the world's problems. Any idea? Well, let's start by watching the news, and see if i can't work out who is about to bomb the US. It's easy when you have the power of hindsight, but i believe that more schizophrenics 'knew' about 911 than you average Joe. Why? Because that's all we've been 'watching' for the last few years, ever since we attended Church. This is a bold statement, but i feel the medication will ease the pain, the pain of faith, faith you only get from going to Church.
Lord Can You Hear Me?
I'm a good person. I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all myself. But i was lost, the questions i asked of myself were foolish and pointless, you taught the way, you gave us the example, but i was so sure that you were false, and i was seaching for truth. Lord, forgive me. I ask for your pardon, as i have lost faith, faith in you and faith in your kingdom. You gave me a sign and i broke the law, sent back as a criminal, only to start on this road again, the road to truth, the road to faith. I suffered in your name when all you wanted me to do was smile, my compassion was misguided and it lead me to believe that the devil himself was at war with me! I have no hope, less faith. All i know is waking from a dream where you were but a memory, and that i had died. But you gave me a second chance, my resurrection was a sign of you love, that i will never forget, for now i live, and forever, fixin' to die.
I believe in heaven and hell, for you have taken me through both, and this was not a test, you only wanted to show me the way. When i was at the crossroads, with nothing but fear, you made an angel of me, yes, you did, so i could travel both roads and make my choice, and Lord, i travelled for many years, blinded by delusion, lost in the light, with no direction home, only to return, back to the crossroads, where i had wisdom and hindsight, a mortal man with his life in front of him. I hope i chose wisely, and now, travel with faith, back to you my Lord, my messiah. And when you return, i will be here, with a smile on my face, and you will know i chose the right road, for we are friends, and i shall greet you with open arms, and say, 'Bless you my Lord, i am you servant'.
Faith can take you far, it can open up many roads, but beware, some roads are not for the faint-hearted, they require courage and compassion, you may think that life has dealt you a cruel hand, and that you lord has forsaken you, but behold, He is there to guide you back, back to faith. This i believe, as all of us do, for He will return and forever, fixin' to die.
Amen.
Sweet Jesus! Take me home, back to my childhood, when we had no fear, when each and everyday was heaven sent. Lord, give me shelter, shelter from the horrors of this life, and the next, and Lord, be me friend when all is lost. I ask this of you as you are the only messiah i know, the only healer, and prophet. Lord, wipe away the tears which flow from my eyes, for the ones i have lost, and for the ones i will lose. Lord, can you hear me now?
Take my hand, Lord, take my mind, for i have no use for it now, i have fallen deep, deep into slumber. And Lord, wake me when this is over, for i can hear no more, the cries of this world. I sleep to find peace, as it is all i know, peace from my mind and from the screams i hear when i close my eyes. Open your heart, one last time, as the eyes of the world are upon me now. They ask, what will you do? what is you next move? I tell them i am tired, that i cannot think, please leave me in peace so that i can think! Bless this world for i am leaving it now.
Awake! I will give you a sign, so that you know i am here, that i am true. You have chosen your path wisely, the path of the faithful, but you must see that there are many hardships to experience, this is not heaven, no, this is the path of a man of faith. There is a war to be waged, it is a war of good against evil, no less it is The End of Times. Many have spoken about these times, that this will open the way to my return, but before this, we must endure much suffering, and only faith will see you through to the end. There is talk of the false prophet, the deciever, no less Satan himself will appear. We must recognise his mark, for only those with the mark of the Devil will be allowed to trade. But don't be fooled, this is not a trade in which you can profit. You must pray for what you believe in, you cannot bargin with Him as he will create armies on both sides, a great war will be waged between the faithful, and He will lose. I will return and He will be defeated. Have faith.
PART FOUR.
Feel So Sad.
Ahmed was nine, he lived with his brothers on the West Bank. He had lost his mother and father in an Israeli air raid on their home two years ago, he is now looked after by his two elder brothers, they are both members of Hamas. His future was in his own hands now, and he wanted to be a martyr (shaheed), a suicide bomber. Ahmed was a follower of faith, he read from the Koran and attended the mosque, he would pray five times a day, the loss of his parents confirmed his faith to the point where heaven was just a day away, for tomorrow he would blow himself up at a busy market stand, hopefully taking out many Israeli civillians. His brothers prepared him for his last evening, Ahmed washed his hands and feet, read from the Koran and said prayers, after a modest meal, he went to sleep.
The morning broke with a brilliant sun, the brothers went to morning prayers and then returned to their home. They shaved Ahmeds head and dressed him in loose fitting clothes. The 'belt' was well hidden, no one would suspect a child. Ahmed smiled as he left his family, they waved him off as he got into the car which would take him to his destination. The car stopped fifty yards away from the place where Ahmed would enter paradise, a brief good-bye followed by 'Allah Akbar!' 'God is Great!' the last words of all shaheed, Ahmed would say this with true conviction, he has faith, he has truth, he has destiny, ' Allah Akbar!' 'God is Great!'
The operation was a success, fifty-six Israelis killed, many more wounded, women and children amonst the dead. The Israeli Prime Minister condemed the bombing, Hamas claimed it for themselves, the brothers were pleased, Ahmed in paradise...
All of My Tears.
Peace go with you brother, for your freedom, for you right to defend your land. I hope you find paradise as your god has promised, and i hope your people find the peace they hunger for. My heart is with your family as they parade your picture through the streets of Palestine, a hero, a martyr, a shaheed. Finally you must realise your own purpose in life, and your place, in paradise, along with that of your parents. Blessed are those with faith in their hearts, as we all die a little, day by day, each and every day. Your name is spoken in the homes of Palestine, there is much celerbration, people were given hope, to fight another day, as you did, and in your absence, they will build a new future, for your brothers, for you sisters, so that they too can be shaheed, and light be upon your people, for they die everyday, but never in vain... peace go with you brother.
Take Good Care of It.
I return to words, for they have misled many, some to seek solitude, others into delusion, many, to their deathbed. But where else (i ask) is there to go? I seek words to find peace, away from the world of foolish thoughts and illusions, into a place where we can believe, and have faith, faith in myself and others. I seek the Grail, I seek the Light, i find only words, for it is words, and only words, which can comunicate to me, the true feelings i have for you, my friends, and it is in words, that i seek refuge. There is no preacher at my door, no one to canvas my thoughts, but there will always be a teacher, to pass on my message, a message of hope, for all who are ... Fixin' to Die.
with love,
Your Friend and Companion....
Steven
THE END
Intro.
Is it where i'm up to... or what i'm up to? Let me explain. It's 2006, summer, that you all know, and everything is in place. I'm cutting it fine, but i'm on time. It'll be the tenth anniversary of the day that changed my life, soon, and i'm begining to reminise, about that time, and the time in between. Once i was lost, and now, i'll safely say, i'm found. I was fighting for my mind and now, and now i'm found, no longer... fixin to die. I have a message of hope, for all those who were concerned, and a message of doubt, for those who were sure. Strange times indeed! Talk of giving in and giving up, that just ain't my style, as you all know, bigger and better things come to mind, as once i conquered (and i will again), the thought's in my mind and the illusions we all share. It's gonna be a rollercoster ride, so sit tightly and we shall begin.
PART ONE.
Give a Man a Home.
We are all blessed, some with virtue, others with stupidity, but we are all blessed. When we talk of talent and ability, it's not always of what we can do, and what we have achieved, but what others have done, in our place, and how we have learnt from their example, no longer can we plead ignorance, for we have been taught, and no longer do we follow the path of the lost ones, for we have seen the light. And it's no secret, we all know the truth, but to find it, that's a quest for the holliest of grails, the blood line of your life. But don't dispair, help is at hand, we have faith, for it is our beliefs which will bring the truth to our feet, of what we are and why we are here, no less, faith is the the key to our survival.
There's so much i want to say, but i choose my verse with care, so as not to mislead. I want to bring you to where i was, and to where i was going, to find my place, in the hope that you will find yours too. If you are lost, make it your home and feel welcome as you are, and if you are found, share your light with me, so i can see where you have been. Followers of the faith will have a head start here, but if you are new to this experience then let me expand. We are historians searching for truth, and by that we mean those experiences which have shaped your life, those bolts of lightening which have brought you here, to these word, and their (hidden) meaning. Now, we may argue that we have led a normal life, and that nothing special has occured, i beg to differ, we have all led extraordinary lives and that simply being here is enough to guarentee that your life has changed because of some event, past or present, which enables you to read these words, and please understand that your life is every bit a special as mine, else you would not be here, reading these words. Patience is a virtue, that i will concede.
Let me continue... your life is not just a series of events which ultimately lead to your demise, you are born, and yes, you will die, however, you will change history with you life, shaping the events which will change all our lives, simply because of faith. What you believe will influence your fellow man, and if you don't take it to your grave, then your friend may. And feel free to believe in whatever you wish, as it is not what you believe, more how you believe which matters. Your beliefs define who you are, they describe your personnality, and more often than not, determine how you are percieved by others, this is what people are remembered for, because this is what we all are remembered for. Faith unites all of us, because it is faith which describes our truth, not our illusion.
Fight For Your Mind.
I was sure, i was so sure, sure of myself and of those around me, sure of my place and sure of my beliefs. Each day had it's place, and we worshipped the sun and moon for their light, and their life. Night followed day, we awoke and then we would rest. A life in a day, everyday. Sure of the sun, and grateful for the moon, we lived our life in cycles, with that of our celestial bodies, and we meditated on suffering, for we had none, blessed by our friends and family. Nirvana has been spoken of, and we felt that our knowledge had granted us a ticket to that island paradise, a place where time has stood still for centuries, and nothing can disturb it's peace. However, we are only visitors here, and we are but travellers, for this place exists only in ones mind, tomorrow i will awake, and again, fighting for my mind... and only truth can survive the journey from this place, this place of plenty, for only truth can transend the void, night and day.
So life, as it was, perfection and truth, brought humbly to it's feet, stumble and crawl to the gateways of confusion, and once again, to the doors of suffering. Knock loudly, for nobody will hear you, when you enter, and shout, for in the confusion, we may not hear you come. But you are always welcome, don't forget, your presence has been foretold, with that of baited breath. We sent for you, for we knew that you spoke the truth, we pleaded with her to let you go, so that you could relieve us of our suffering, as you did with her, and for your sacrifice, we would reward you with immortality and a place, a place where you could carry on your faith, not in a foreign land, but here, in you own, the place of your birth. So bring your faith, pack your beliefs, and say good bye to your friends, for they shall be friends no more, for you shall die in this land, and become an angel of faith, and a teacher of truth. Blessed by your fate to bring your ancestors home, for their work is done, and now the motherland can be one, one with your blood.
This i cannot except, the honour is too much for one so simple, too great for one so humble. Let me come as i am, please, with my rags and my charms, for i have no gold, stolen from me, and i have no money, given to others. Don't ask me to speak, for i say little, and don't ask me to eat, for i have no hunger. I come to rest, and to teach. My time is now yours, and how i spend this time will depend on your needs, and desires, i want of nothing but to serve my master, that which you now are, and will always be. All i ask is that i be given shoes to walk and water to drink, these are my needs, not my desires. I will rest in my bed and not be a burden to you, for you have family, and i, faith. My temple is my mind, i carry it wherever i go, but i ask that each night, i return it to the place which i call home.
Power Of The Gospel.
The power of words, and their meaning, are the subject of this chapter. For so many years now, words, written and spoken, have changed my life. They have opened doors of perception, and have lead me into whole universes, where illusions exist, illusions, which have determined my life. Words have shaped my mind, they have lead me astray, and carried me home, as only words have the power to overcome truth, truth which i find in silence, silence and solitude. All words are spoken, spoken with emotion, and it's this emotive force which moves me, moves me from my center, to that of my peripheral. On the outskirts, close to the edge, that's where illusions exist, truth lies motionless, whilst illusions accelerate and perturb, they create change and therefore influence our ground state, that of perfection and the transcendental. The words i choose will allow you to find your center, at least that's where i hope all roads lead, if your feel disturbed by my words, then the truth is lost, and you will have to start again! My aim is the transcendental, and thus the permanent, that which is truth, that which is you. If you feel disturbed, you are too high, the destination is ground. My goal is silence, to speak but not to be heard, these words will induce a trance, that which you will recognise as Buddha Nature.
You may ask, is it possible to find peace, simply by reading? I say yes, because all words are spoken within, your heart will hear and your mind will listen, simply by connecting your heart and mind, you will find the doors to your Buddha Nature, of course you should be sat half-lotus on the floor, but we shall forgive you if this is not your usual position. Life begins with this 'space', for this is your truth, with heart and mind in peace (with words), Buddha Nature is easy to find. If you have doubts, simply stop reading, and enjoy the silence, the silence and solitude.
I am a teacher, but so are we all. What i teach is an ancient art, it's called 'sitting quietly'. Personally i prefer to listen to music, and although this sounds like contradiction, it is not, because i am still, 'sitting quietly'. Others prefer to read, and so i write, as i choose to serve (the master).
PART TWO.
Welcome to the Cruel World.
Noble monk, i see you have travelled far to find yourself on this road. I say this because i too have travelled, but now i have arrived and i travel no more. Humble servant, you are right in your observation, yes, i have travelled many months. I have travelled from Amdo and have been on this road for nearly a year. What is your name, kind servant? I was born Chen Zhu Wai, however, i have little use for my name noble monk, less for whence i came. Brother Chen, we all have an origin, all roads must begin from somewhere, if you care not for your birth, then where may i ask, is your destination? Noble monk! i have arrived! My birth is ignorance and my destination is here! where i stand on this forsaken road. As you are, i too was seeking answers, but now that you have arrived, i ask no more. What is it that you seek, here on this road? Brother Chen, i have been chosen by my sangha to seek for enlightenment on this path, and too seek a master who came before me. What is the name of your master? I have seen many on this road, maybe i can be of help. Brother Chen, my master is called Rinpoche, of course i don't know him by his birthname, but he is known as Master Rinpoche by my sangha. He left at the age of fifteen to seek enlightenment, he was a talented but stubborn monk, he studied 'the self' until he fully understood his true nature, then left. And Rinpoche walked this road? Yes, we have heard stories about a monk who taught 'the self' to people on this road, he became a local legend and is well known as a teacher who spoke the truth. And where is your master now? Brother Chen, we don't know. One day he just disappeared, people who would visit him and listen to him teach say that one day he just disappeared, nobody has seen him in over ten years. Noble monk! I am Rinpoche, the master that you seek! Your journey has come to an end, however, your path has just begun. This road will teach you 'the self' and i will be your guide untill you too realise your enlightenment. Let us begin...
The self is this path, the self is 'this' road, this road that you find yourself on. But 'the self' is all roads, its is every path. The self is all who travel on this road and all who live on it, but 'the self' is everyone and everything, on all roads. To understand this let me describe your journey. You travelled from your sangha in Amdo to seek a great master who also travelled from said place, you seek this master, on this road, in the hope that you will find enlightenment. That is your journey. If you suceed in finding your master, you will realise your end and hope that the master will teach you his truth. 'The self' is every journey, seeking every master who ever left, and to fully understand 'the self' you must begin each and every journey searching for truth, not just your master. On your journey, you will find only yourself and your master, that is your ignorance, believing that your journey will uncover the gate to knowledge, it will not, you will have to return to your sangha to find 'the self' which you left, many moons ago. Your journey is two fold, for you will have to return to whence you came to realise 'the self'. With this knowledge i bid you farewell and hope you have a pleasant journey!
Master Rinpoche! I have realised 'the self' and i must return to Amdo and my sangha to tell them the good news! The self is 'the self', and until i can give both up i will never find my enlightenment. My journey is so and i must return to realise its truth, however, your journey is 'the self' that which you can never give up, only when you give up this, 'the self', can you find nirvana, a place which i know you are now. Your wisdom will be taken home to the sangha in the hope that we can all find our true nature, you are living in nirvana because you gave up 'the self' in exchange for the road, i find myself on the same road but 'the self' says i must return to complete my journey, only then will i be enlightened and nirvana shall be but beyond the gates of the temple. Bless you Brother Chen for you are the Buddha, the Teachings and the Sangha.
By My Side.
There are many roads, there are many journeys, each has a place in your history, no less, each journey will guide you further on your path. We take each road with anticipation, we take each corner with hope, every road leads to a place and each place has learning. Travelling is an education, one may say, if we are lost, we must find, and when we are found, the next turn could lead us to doubt. I have travelled many roads, so must we all, and many roads need to be travelled in order to find learning, a simple walk can lead to revelations about oneself, as long as the journey is taken in the correct mode, and by that i mean, seeking for truth. Now, nobody goes for a stroll seeking truth, however, every step reveals truth and at every turn. A walk to 'clear your mind' has no destination, you always intend to 'come home', but what is it that can be found in those steps, what is it that you can experience in that journey which makes the circle complete? Like the master says, 'each journey is twofold', outward and inbound, at some point you will have realised your 'destination' and plan to return, else your mind will be 'released from its bondage' and again, you will return. We can all except this as so, however, let us analyse the journey of the master. His journey is outbound, with no return. He leaves because he has realised his destination, and has been released from bondage 'before' he leaves, the journey is just the conclusion of that understanding, he chooses to travel, as is life... destination, anywhere but home.
The self is ego, that's what the master teaches us. Bondage to time, parents, names, homes... the list goes on. We are all born with an ego, but this is not identity, no, it is a cloud which always finds us and prevents us from seeing a clear blue sky, that of our true nature, Buddha Nature. To lose ego is to lose oneself and to find Buddha Nature, you must do this if you are to travel, for the burden of ego will prevent you from ever leaving. Travelling is not a holiday, for when you return, that is when the adventure begins. Each journey will take you futher, closer, to Buddha Nature, and only a master knows this as truth, for only a master will never return.
A great journey can begin with a small step, take a walk, and believe that you will never return. At some point the clock will start ticking and your bed will call. Have you ever entertained the idea of running away from home? Where, when, how... all these questions will invade your mind because now, you are asked the question, can is survive? here in the wilderness? We have all experienced this, either as a child, or god forbid, as an adult, and i say this because i would assume an adult knows his place, however a child is lead to question. Buddha Nature is a child, he knows no home, he has no parents, nobody to depend upon, and nobody to depend upon him, freedom is his cause and enlightenment is his goal, not a pillow. 'It will make a weak man mighty, it will make a mighty man fall', are you experienced? This is not part of our education, no, this is part of our freedom. Take a walk and see how long it takes for the clock to start ticking, this is burden, this is ego.
One Road to Freedom
Farewell, my friends, for i must leave, now. I must travel afar, but i will always be close. Some may ask why? you can choose any path in life, and you can always return, you know you are welcome. Yes, but i will die on this journey, never to return. My life has ended, here, with you my friends, time will pass and i will be but a memory, always in your hearts but never at your door. I am going to die, in a place far away, no one will save me for no one will know, my passing will be a great day for it will be the end of your learning, the inward journey can now begin. I must begin my teaching, and i can only do this after my death. I must pass this life onto you, my friends, and give myself to my destiny, that of my last journey, and my last breath. The sun will shine for me as i walk my last road, beyond the mountain lies a place where i will find truth, a path many have taken before me, and a truth many have chosen as the cessation of suffering. It is the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, that all life is suffering, its cause being our 'thirst' and desires, now i must quench this thirst and bring an end to my suffering, the cessation of all suffering, by following the path to enlightenment, namely The Middle Way and The Eightfold Path. Have faith my friends! and Ten Thousand Miles without a Cloud.
Farewell, my friends.
THE END.
(Inspired by the music of Ben Harper and The Innocent Criminals.)
PART THREE.
Walkin' With Jesus.
Johnny was one messed up kid. He lived one day at a time, with no purpose but to awake, and then sleep. Days would pass when he would achieve nothing, no job to go to, no friends to visit, no family, just a neglected kid with delusions of grandure. But man, was he cool! He was liked by everyone, nobody could put him down for being lazy and useless because he loved life, at least his life. Ask him what he wants to do in life and he'd just smile, he knew 'this' was life, and if nobody understood, that was because nobody was 'alive'. He was of course 'dead' to life (as we would call it), but his delusions allowed him the freedom to take on a more important role, that of the messiah. Ask the question, if the messiah was alive today, what would he do? His answer would be, save the world!
Now, nobody believes that they are the messiah, at least nobody with any sense, however, they say that an unstable mind can associate their own suffering with that of Christ, and compassion for the Saviour leads to a complex where you believe you are the Second Coming. Easily done if you have little else in life other that a deluded mind. Such minds cannot see their future because there is no cause and action, an episode of psychosis may occupy your mind, however, nothing will amount, because nothing exist, it's purely in your imagination. Hallucinations may seem real at the time, and they may lead you to commit an action, however, that action, being the result of something made up, will ultimately end up as senseless and stupid. You think the hallucination relates to reality, in truth, nothing can be further from the truth, there is no god, and you are not the saviour, just a messed up kid. You will see signs everywhere, as your delusion convinces you that you could be, even though what little common sense you have tells you the contary, that there is more to life than reality, faith has a downside, what you truely believe could just be you're downfall, then who would look stupid. So what of Christians, Muslims, Jews... well, they just believe, their faith is a discipline, there is structure to it, and it's teachings lead to a fullfilling life. Schizophrenic faith is ultimately fruitless, nobody else believes what you do, because it's pure delusion. There is no Church of the Schizophrenic Nazerene, because there is no nazerene, just schizophrenia. And it's church? well, that is the facinating feature of this mental state of being, many schizophrenics believe in the same delusions. So welcome to Church...
Many schizophrenic explain themselves by talking about a world i can only describe as one and the same as 'intelligence'. Now, that is not to be mistaken for a world of clever people, no, we have now been 'classified' and if i told you, i would have to kill you. You see, i have worked out that i am so 'classified' that not even i can truely know my own identity. I think only the President of The United States and a few other people know of my status, and they are either 'dead' or 'hiding'. Are we getting closer? After Christ, you are the second most important person in the world, for you hold the key to survival, or the end of the world. Yes, give up God, he can't help us, with his creation and angels, no, this is down to you, soldier, you must stop the killing, and bring about peace on earth! Thus, the mission, to 'see' how it will all end, if we don't start talking about 'how' to bring about an end to the world's problems. Any idea? Well, let's start by watching the news, and see if i can't work out who is about to bomb the US. It's easy when you have the power of hindsight, but i believe that more schizophrenics 'knew' about 911 than you average Joe. Why? Because that's all we've been 'watching' for the last few years, ever since we attended Church. This is a bold statement, but i feel the medication will ease the pain, the pain of faith, faith you only get from going to Church.
Lord Can You Hear Me?
I'm a good person. I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all myself. But i was lost, the questions i asked of myself were foolish and pointless, you taught the way, you gave us the example, but i was so sure that you were false, and i was seaching for truth. Lord, forgive me. I ask for your pardon, as i have lost faith, faith in you and faith in your kingdom. You gave me a sign and i broke the law, sent back as a criminal, only to start on this road again, the road to truth, the road to faith. I suffered in your name when all you wanted me to do was smile, my compassion was misguided and it lead me to believe that the devil himself was at war with me! I have no hope, less faith. All i know is waking from a dream where you were but a memory, and that i had died. But you gave me a second chance, my resurrection was a sign of you love, that i will never forget, for now i live, and forever, fixin' to die.
I believe in heaven and hell, for you have taken me through both, and this was not a test, you only wanted to show me the way. When i was at the crossroads, with nothing but fear, you made an angel of me, yes, you did, so i could travel both roads and make my choice, and Lord, i travelled for many years, blinded by delusion, lost in the light, with no direction home, only to return, back to the crossroads, where i had wisdom and hindsight, a mortal man with his life in front of him. I hope i chose wisely, and now, travel with faith, back to you my Lord, my messiah. And when you return, i will be here, with a smile on my face, and you will know i chose the right road, for we are friends, and i shall greet you with open arms, and say, 'Bless you my Lord, i am you servant'.
Faith can take you far, it can open up many roads, but beware, some roads are not for the faint-hearted, they require courage and compassion, you may think that life has dealt you a cruel hand, and that you lord has forsaken you, but behold, He is there to guide you back, back to faith. This i believe, as all of us do, for He will return and forever, fixin' to die.
Amen.
Sweet Jesus! Take me home, back to my childhood, when we had no fear, when each and everyday was heaven sent. Lord, give me shelter, shelter from the horrors of this life, and the next, and Lord, be me friend when all is lost. I ask this of you as you are the only messiah i know, the only healer, and prophet. Lord, wipe away the tears which flow from my eyes, for the ones i have lost, and for the ones i will lose. Lord, can you hear me now?
Take my hand, Lord, take my mind, for i have no use for it now, i have fallen deep, deep into slumber. And Lord, wake me when this is over, for i can hear no more, the cries of this world. I sleep to find peace, as it is all i know, peace from my mind and from the screams i hear when i close my eyes. Open your heart, one last time, as the eyes of the world are upon me now. They ask, what will you do? what is you next move? I tell them i am tired, that i cannot think, please leave me in peace so that i can think! Bless this world for i am leaving it now.
Awake! I will give you a sign, so that you know i am here, that i am true. You have chosen your path wisely, the path of the faithful, but you must see that there are many hardships to experience, this is not heaven, no, this is the path of a man of faith. There is a war to be waged, it is a war of good against evil, no less it is The End of Times. Many have spoken about these times, that this will open the way to my return, but before this, we must endure much suffering, and only faith will see you through to the end. There is talk of the false prophet, the deciever, no less Satan himself will appear. We must recognise his mark, for only those with the mark of the Devil will be allowed to trade. But don't be fooled, this is not a trade in which you can profit. You must pray for what you believe in, you cannot bargin with Him as he will create armies on both sides, a great war will be waged between the faithful, and He will lose. I will return and He will be defeated. Have faith.
PART FOUR.
Feel So Sad.
Ahmed was nine, he lived with his brothers on the West Bank. He had lost his mother and father in an Israeli air raid on their home two years ago, he is now looked after by his two elder brothers, they are both members of Hamas. His future was in his own hands now, and he wanted to be a martyr (shaheed), a suicide bomber. Ahmed was a follower of faith, he read from the Koran and attended the mosque, he would pray five times a day, the loss of his parents confirmed his faith to the point where heaven was just a day away, for tomorrow he would blow himself up at a busy market stand, hopefully taking out many Israeli civillians. His brothers prepared him for his last evening, Ahmed washed his hands and feet, read from the Koran and said prayers, after a modest meal, he went to sleep.
The morning broke with a brilliant sun, the brothers went to morning prayers and then returned to their home. They shaved Ahmeds head and dressed him in loose fitting clothes. The 'belt' was well hidden, no one would suspect a child. Ahmed smiled as he left his family, they waved him off as he got into the car which would take him to his destination. The car stopped fifty yards away from the place where Ahmed would enter paradise, a brief good-bye followed by 'Allah Akbar!' 'God is Great!' the last words of all shaheed, Ahmed would say this with true conviction, he has faith, he has truth, he has destiny, ' Allah Akbar!' 'God is Great!'
The operation was a success, fifty-six Israelis killed, many more wounded, women and children amonst the dead. The Israeli Prime Minister condemed the bombing, Hamas claimed it for themselves, the brothers were pleased, Ahmed in paradise...
All of My Tears.
Peace go with you brother, for your freedom, for you right to defend your land. I hope you find paradise as your god has promised, and i hope your people find the peace they hunger for. My heart is with your family as they parade your picture through the streets of Palestine, a hero, a martyr, a shaheed. Finally you must realise your own purpose in life, and your place, in paradise, along with that of your parents. Blessed are those with faith in their hearts, as we all die a little, day by day, each and every day. Your name is spoken in the homes of Palestine, there is much celerbration, people were given hope, to fight another day, as you did, and in your absence, they will build a new future, for your brothers, for you sisters, so that they too can be shaheed, and light be upon your people, for they die everyday, but never in vain... peace go with you brother.
Take Good Care of It.
I return to words, for they have misled many, some to seek solitude, others into delusion, many, to their deathbed. But where else (i ask) is there to go? I seek words to find peace, away from the world of foolish thoughts and illusions, into a place where we can believe, and have faith, faith in myself and others. I seek the Grail, I seek the Light, i find only words, for it is words, and only words, which can comunicate to me, the true feelings i have for you, my friends, and it is in words, that i seek refuge. There is no preacher at my door, no one to canvas my thoughts, but there will always be a teacher, to pass on my message, a message of hope, for all who are ... Fixin' to Die.
with love,
Your Friend and Companion....
Steven
THE END
posted by angelo | 3:01 PM
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